Nerd Rage

Before I start, watch this:



Now, I hate to draw attention to videos like this, but I need to make a point. People like this disgust me! I absolutely detest the fact that when the average person thinks of a gamer, most of the time this is the image they have. I have been playing video games for 23 years and I have never once broken a controller or system due to nerd rage. However, there are video all over the internet just like this of people going crazy because they lose in a game or another player makes something slightly annoying or difficult for them. Instead of doing something logical like blocking that other player, leaving that particular session or just turning the game off, they instead become violent and vulgar and destroy all their own electronic.

Just as an experiment, type nerd rage into the search bar on YouTube and watch the first page of videos and try to figure out how much money is wasted on all the TVs, 360s, PS3s, Computer monitors, game discs and controllers broken by these usually overweight, ill-mannered, pathetic excuses for people. And I used this particular video as an example because the fat loser's own mother is holding the camera and enabling him by not simply slapping the kid and telling him to stop acting retarded. And I call him a kid because he is acting petulant and is undeserving of being referred to as an adult. Earlier today I wasn't able to gold star a song in Rock Band 3 that I have tried many times to. It was frustrating. But I did not take my $60 wireless guitar peripheral and use it to smash my $250 system or my $600 TV. Instead I simply played a different song and just got over it.

I hate that people like this exist. The only good thing here is that at least for a short while, this waste of life will not have an Xbox, a guitar controller or a copy of whatever game was in the disc tray. And the controller and headset are possibly broken now too. I sincerely hope he isn't on welfare and that he actually has to work and earn the $400-$500 to replace it all. Unfortunately, even if he did he wouldn't change his behavior as he stated this was the third time this year he had done this. Also, his stupid mother will probably buy him another one.

At least this idiot will never breed.

Stubborn as an Ass

Even though I prefer to think of myself as open-minded and logical, occasionally I can be stubborn and unreasonable. Or at least, that's what people tell me.

For example: Every time I tell someone I absolutely hate Twilight, the thing they immediately say is either "Have you seen the latest movie?" or "Well have you read the books?" My answer is usually a variation of "No. No I have not. And it is because I am neither mentally retarded nor an eleven year-old girl that I have not. I can't even call the movie gay because I have effeminate gay friends who still find that movie far too girlish for their taste."

They then try to convince me that the "story" gets better. No it doesn't, do not lie to me you bastards! The lead actor wanted to quit the movies after the first one because he said the script basically reads like a teenage girl's wet-dream. He is fighting to get out of the contract so he won't have to do any further movies and is trying to get spots in actual movies (and in his defense he was pretty good in Remember Me.) Stupidhead Meyers also came out and said publicly that she was inspired to write by Stephen King who turned around and said that he thought her writing was crap and wishes she wouldn't have said that. And he's been doing horribly lately and still has the sense to stay away from her drivel, that should tell you something.

Besides, lately I re-watched the entire Blade TV series and watched the 4th Underworld Movie and even saw Cirque Du Freak. Do you know what each of those have in common? They all have vampires in them! Do you know what else? None of them sparkle! In fact, in all of those there are child vampires, and in those movies, those children literally kill people! They make them bleed and suck out their blood and they die! That's what vampires are supposed to do. I also have a fair collection of Blade comic books and it's funny because I must not have the issue where his high school sweetheart is debating whether to date him or a werewolf and he whines about it after getting depressed. Blade's mother and his only "friend" Whistler were both killed and I never once saw him pouting. Or heck, watch an old vampire movie. I mean really old, when they starred the Count himself. He didn't care about one girl who transferred into his school, he usually had a harem of women and was usually out trolling for more girl to bite and convert anyways.

So yeah, call me stubborn, but the whole Twilight series is crap! I'll stick to watching movies for people with brains. And if I do want a mindless film, I'll throw in Expendables while eagerly awaiting the sequel.

And while I'm on the topic of movies, what is the big deal about the Rum Diaries? Johnny Depp is a drunk. Wow, amazing movie! I'm sorry but he hasn't done a good film, in my opinion, since he killed his own dog with a screwdriver in Secret Window. And now that Tim Burton's man-crush on him is preventing him from making a truly good movie again (casting Depp over Marilyn Manson as the Hatter is just a travesty) it makes me hate him even more.

And speaking of Tim Burton: I want him to make a video game. Not one based on any specific movie of his, I just think that he would be capable (if he could stop staring at pin-ups of Jack Sparrow for fifteen minutes) of creating an amazing storyline for a video game and his skills for making odd creepy gothic video effects are undeniable. If he channeled that into something interactive like a good open world role playing game where people could explore a vast expanse of odd similar in landscape to the original Gotham City or Halloween Town, well that would sell great and certainly be more fun to play than the next useless installment of Halo or Call of Duty.

I seem a little bitter today, huh?

Well, time for some good news then. I have been talking with an old friend of mine who has always been into photography and video production and he's been giving me tips and advice and has given me some suggestions and shown me a few resources as far as making my own videos. So, I've ordered a basic set of gear to get started and gotten the software I need and I'm actually gonna try to start filming my game review videos. Similar in nature to James Rolph's Angry Video Game Nerd or my friends Sindra and Awesome-O over at Keep Playing: Rewind on PowetTV. I'm not ripping them off, they just happen to already be doing what I want to start doing. I doubt I'll be as good as or ever make a living at it like the Nerd but it'll be fun regardless and I'll just be doing it for kicks. If I ever did make any money at it I'd probably just use it to buy better equipment and some of the rarer and more expensive games so I could make better episodes of my little show. My main problem now is dragging my would-be co-host away from his psychotic girlfriend long enough to film a couple episodes.

But yeah, that's my news for now. If/when I do get the show up and running, it'll be on YouTube but I'll be sure to include links to it in my blogs.

Yes I know what day it is!

Now I'm sure most of you are too busy finishing up your romantic whatever to read this, but I'm single and alone and bored (as usual) on Valentine's this year (like every other year) so I'm going to write another blog for all of my oh so many loyal reader. No, that's not a typo.

But before that, I had an old friend come see my apartment for the first time and one of the things he mentioned, which a lot of people do, is that he was surprised to see I had no TV in my room. For those of you that haven't seen my apartment, I have my snake cage, 3 bookshelves, my dresser, my stereo and my bed in my room. My laptop is in here too but as soon as I get a computer desk I will be moving it and all the stuff connected to it into the other room as well. Aside from the gameroom which is very decorative and filled with stuff, the rest of my house is rather conservative. I so no real reason to have yet another TV in it. And actually, I even have extra TV's I'm not currently using but I have no interest in having one in my bedroom. I want less electronics in my bedroom, not more. This room is where I relax and unwind from the day. This is the room where I can lie down and let all my stress go away. Having a TV in here won't help. I have an old ugly but comfortable leather recliner in here next to the bookshelves that I sit on while reading. That's all the entertainment I need. Plus, at night, a TV is just one more thing to make noise and light so I won't be able to sleep. I hate LED lights when I'm trying to go to sleep and unless I have music on that I intend to fall asleep to, I don't want any noise in my room. And electronic noise (like the ring in your ears you here when a TV is on but not tuned to any signal) and static are two things that will wake me up/keep me awake. It's bad enough that Shiro's heat lamp is on at night (I would put her downstairs but it's significantly warmer in the bedroom than the other rooms and she needs the heat which is also why I don't turn her lamp off at night) I don't need anything else in my room being on or bothering me. Plus now that I got my blackout curtains, I look forward to when I can get my computer out of the room and put the snake back in the living room and then my room can be pitch black and dead silent when I sleep. Granted, I can sleep in almost any situation when I have to, but I certainly sleep better in a quiet dark room.

But that is really not at all what I had initially intended for this blog. I actually just wanted to share a recipe for something amazing I recently made that will make your Valentine's Day better. Sure, you'll have to wait until next year for that because this one is an hour from done, but trust me, it's worth the wait!

Ingredients:
1 package of Oreos (regular, not double stuffed)
8oz Package of Cream Cheese
2 bags of chocolate chips


Directions:
Empty the contents of the Oreo bag into a large mixing bowls. Take out a wooden spoon (or for more fun, a meat tenderizer) and get out all of your aggression from a day of work and normal life crappiness by beating the hell out of the Oreos. Put the 8oz of cream cheese in the bowl and use an electric mixer to turn the whole thing into an unappealing brownish lumpy goo. Dig your fingers into the goo and start forming small bite-size balls and putting them on a cookie sheet (make sure to pop at least one of these into your mouth first.) Stick the cookie sheet in the fridge for an hour or however long it takes for your significant other to lick the chocolate goo from your fingers and then partake in the naturally following activities, whichever happens last. Take your balls out of the fridge and set the cookie sheet on the counter (or if you have a small apartment like me with no counter space, on top of the stove.) Pour the chocolate chips in a large glass bowl and add in a small amount of vegetable oil (I don't know why, I was just told to do that once so I do) and two good spoonfuls of peanut butter. Put the bowl in the microwave for about a minute and turn it on. After the microwave timer is done and without leaving a few infuriating seconds left on the display, remove the bowl and stir with a fork. You should find the whole thing has turned into a very yummy smelling liquid. Now quickly grab your balls and submerge them fully in the warm liquid chocolate. Put the chocolatey balls back on the cookie sheet and into the fridge and once again wait an hour or the appropriate time to use the remainder of the warm liquid chocolate with aforementioned significant other.

Finally, after all that, you have delicious balls! Enjoy!

And that will be a good Valentine's treat. And for all you people like me who always find yourselves single on this holiday (or, if you're more like me and find yourself single on EVERY day) you can always just make these any time you want the most amazingly delicious and equally unhealthy snacks to help destroy your physique and shorten your life-span.

Liar, Liar: Pants of Fire!

I almost spent a butt-load of money on a very expensive counterfeit recently. You see, a long time ago in a time called the nineties there was a video game console called the Super Nintendo. It was a wonderful console that was at war with the evil Sega Genesis. The Genesis, being weak and inferior, sought to overwhelm its enemy by enlisted fellow soldiers called the Sega CD and the 32X. Well, the Super Nintendo not willing to have its thrown usurped by an inferior warrior tried to enlist the help of its friend, the Phillips CD-i. However, the CD-i turned out to be a retarded bastard child of a halfwit man and a female donkey. Its games were all poorly designed and under-produced and while some of the game creators intending to launch titles on this platform were ambitious and had high hopes, the console did not support those dreams and they all crashed down. Luckily, the Super Nintendo is still better than the Genesis.

Now, back on point, the CD-i did have a few games that were not produced in great numbers and some of these can even fetch several hundred dollars. Any of the 3 horrible Zelda games, for example, are capable of fetching over $150. What's better is the fact that this system had a lot of games, including some that were never released officially, printed on promotional discs to be used as advertising or as demos at trade shows. These discs are full copies of the games but were produced in even smaller quantities. But, the rarest game on the system and, in fact, one of the rarest video games in existence is Mario's Wacky Worlds. Much like the infamous Cheetahmen II this is actually not even a complete game. It was a very ambitious sequel to Super Mario World, or it would have been. The creators and programmers were about 30% complete with the game when the project was scrapped. However, three discs with the prototype of the game are known to have been released. Three. That is even more rare that Atlantis II, Pepsi Invaders or even the SNES Competition cartridges and even the NES Championship carts. And of those 3 discs, only one has been openly seen in circulation. Its last public sale was on eBay and sold for over $1,200.

Now, back to the part involving me. I have been trying to get the Zelda games for the CD-i for a while now because even though they are utterly horrible, they are Zelda games and it is my favorite series and they remain the only entries in the series I don't yet own. Well, a guy online was selling a CD-i lot with one of the Zelda games (the Demo copy even, not the retail release) as well as 14 other games and one additional game which made me instantly brighten. It was a copy of Mario's Wacky Worlds. He was asking a Buy It Now price of $400 for the auction and I almost dedicated to buying it that moment but luckily I didn't get ahead of myself and did some research first. Now, an uninformed person could theoretically sell that game for much less than its' worth because he didn't know the full value although he did know the whole bundle was somewhat valuable. I don't doubt that. And the CD-i was vastly unpopular and considered a flop so good amounts of product were given away and lots more just thrown away. I got 3 of them and a good assortment of games from an old indoor amusement room at an old putt-putt course I was helping demolish. The units were abandoned and were going to be thrown out with everything else in the building. This was not an uncommon fate for the CD-i. So logically this auction seemed fine and I was still excited. However, I then noticed something that saddened me greatly. This seller had two other CD-i bundles for sale on his eBay page and each of them also contained a copy of this game. Now, the chances of him having one copy were slim but not implausible, but for him to have all three known copies is damn near impossible. People who make their entire living off video games like James Rolph do not have a copy of this game, and he has a collection that makes mine look like that of your average frat boy shopping at GameStop.

I then did some more research online and found out that this game is actually one of the most faked games out there. Combine that with the fact that almost no one even knows what the real disc looks like and you will find it almost impossible to ever see a genuine copy. Now, I was tempted to buy the lot anyways because the Demo copy of one of the Zelda games and the fact that most of the other games came complete in the cases with the instructions and the fact that the unit itself was in perfect working order still made this a decent buy, but after finding a counterfeit game featured so readily in his ads I had no faith in his product.

Now I am a huge fan of the show White Collar, but unlike Neil Caffrey, counterfeiters suck. They just ruin everything for everyone. Lucky for me, I'll at least never get duped by most game counterfeiters because a lot of them are stupid. For example, with the Mario game, the fake discs all seem to have labels and jewelcase art. I have a genuine prototype copy of Silk Worm for the NES that I know is real and was used to do final testing on the game before it was released to production and printed. You know what is on that cart? Nothing. A white sticky labelled was hurriedly slapped on the front and the game title as well as some initials and a basic serial number were hand written on it in permanent marker. Even Nintendo's warranty sticker is not stuck over the middle screw on the back. So why, with a project that was nowhere near completion and was just cancelled, would Nintendo bother labeling not only the disc, but the case of the prototype copies of Mario's Wacky Worlds? They wouldn't! The game itself (I've seen pictures) is just a blank disk that still has the raw color of the film on both sides. It is not finished or labelled at all save for the title of the game written in small handwriting on the clear plastic bit on the inside of the disc. You'd think someone making fake copies of a game that could bring them over a thousand dollars wouldn't overlook such an obvious detail. And actually, that's not even the worst fake game I've seen. My favorite, and one of the worst I've seen, is a game called Pokemon Chaos Black. Never heard of it? That's because this game doesn't even exist. Some people took a rom or one of the versions of this game released on the Gameboy Advance (Pokemon FireRed if I'm not horribly mistaken) and did a few basic rom hacks to change some of the names and sprites in the game. They generated some fake boxart (although I have never seen a copy of the game sell complete in box so I don't know why) and manually stuck on a label on a cartridge that isn't even the same shade of grey as normal GBA games. I've seen many where the homemade label is peeling off the game. Now, I know it's a fake but this one is so laughable it is almost worth owning. Almost. Not worth any kind of money though and might not even be legal so I would think hard before taking steps to buy it.

But, on to some news that isn't fake or sad. I came across a trailer for a movie today that is very much not counterfeit and I have to say I am incredibly excited. The title of this movie is Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter. Hell yeah! That's right! One of the great forefathers of this country is stepping up next to Blade and that annoying Buffy to take down those blood-suckers. And I would bet my video game collection that not a single one of the people in this movie will sparkle in the damn sunlight! This movie is actually based on a book by Seth Grahame-Smith. (Man, everyone with the name Seth is just awesome! Seth MacFarlane, Seth Rogan, Seth Green. If I ever have a son I might name him Seth just to assure that he'd grow up to be awesome. Although, with me as his father, how could he not?!) It tells the story of what would happen if our president was born in the era of the vampires and the civil war was fought against the legions of the damned. The trailer looks awesome but I won't link to it here because it appears to be an unofficial leak so any link I post will most likely be taken down anyways. Go look it up though, it's gonna be wicked!

Parenting done right and other things

Before I talk about anything else I have to share a video I found. Now, it's becoming rather popular online right now and most of you non-existant readers have probably already seen it but in case you haven't, watch this video:



That man is what all parents should be! I am sickened by how much children think they must be given and how they demand to get everything they want and give/do nothing in return to earn it. I had chores growing up. And like this girl, if I didn't do them, I was grounded. And you know what, I am glad I had them! I was able to move out at 18 and I knew how to do my own laundry, clean an entire house, cook any meal I wanted to eat and take care of myself in any way. I have always paid my own car bills and never had a cell phone until I was 22 and bought one. Because of all this, I was not caught off-guard by the "real world" and bills and how things actually work outside of high school. My mother raised me to be self-reliant, responsible, respectful and made me into (at least I'd like to think) a good person. It is refreshing to see other parents doing the same and what's ever better is the overwhelming amount of response videos made to that video. Normally you would expect other ungrateful petty children complaining about what an evil dad he is and how he had no right to do that to "her" laptop but surprisingly, every response video I saw was A. from a child under the age of 18 and B. in full support of the father and his lesson to his daughter. That is great! It gives me hope for this next generation.

But, onto a new topic. Did you all know they are making a sequel to Roger Rabbit? Now hold! Don't get excited. I was excited too but then heard a few things about it that I think you all will agree are very disappointing. First off, Eddie Valiant will not be in the film. This makes no sense as he was the perfect counter-part to Roger's over-the-top-ness. It would take a scripting miracle to create another character that meshes as well without seeming like a rip-off. And, possibly even more disappointing is the fact that the toons in the sequel will be computer-animated. This is beyond sad! The best part of the movie was seeing the 2D hand-drawn cartoons side-by-side with real actual people. That's what made the movie great! The fact that it's now a Disney movie so it wouldn't have Hanna Barbara or Warner Brothers' characters is a downer but I can live with that. But having the cartoons not be cartoons at all, but instead computer-generated 3D models next to a rip-off Eddie Valiant? That sounds in absolutely no way appealing! I am all for a sequel to that movie. I think everyone has wanted that since the start of the credits the first time they saw it. Yet if this is all they are going to give us, I'd rather just have nothing.

And speaking of disappointments, I am no longer shopping with or in any way giving money to Barnes & Nobles. I not too long ago purchased some books on their website. I was given a giftcard as a gift and used it to purchase a few books in various series that I was missing. One of the books never arrived. I waited about a month from my order date just to make sure it wasn't slow shipping. After this I contacted the seller (it was a used book sold through B&N, not a new book sold by them) and after a week I never heard back from them so I contacted B&N customer service. I never got a response to my email but instead received a survey to rate the quality of my customer service. I told them they should maybe provide the service before sending the survey because currently my satisfaction level was nonexistant. This time I received a response from a human (or at least a more human macro) so I re-explained my predicament. They said to wait a week and if it still didn't show up to take further action with them. I waited the extra week and contacted them again. They told me to try contacting the seller. I reminded them that I tried that before even contacting Customer Support (I say reminded because that was in both descriptions of my problem.) They said that shipping was possibly slow and that it could sometimes take up to 18 business days to receive my book. I told them that with the additional wait I was already up over a month. I got no immediate response to this but two days later received another email from them again telling me to try contacting the seller. Now, all along the way I had simply asked them to refund my money for that book or even just give me store credit so I could buy a different copy from someone else. I didn't want a refund on the whole order as my other books came in fine. I was not being rude or unreasonable. However, after clearly being jerked around at this point I let them have it. I told them how horrible their service was and that if they really were going through this much effort just to rob me of my $5 then they could just keep it and that I would cut up my membership card to their discount club and make all my further book purchases from other shops. Also, when my book gets released, I will not take part in their local author book signings. I told them I look forward to seeing their company's name on the ever-growing list of people put out of business by internet rivals. Not surprisingly, I got no response to that. Now, at this point I thought perhaps I was being childish but when I mentioned this online I found that many other people (including a few friends of mine) have had incredibly similar experiences with their customer service. So now I do genuinely hope they go the same way as Gateway or Dell for their customer support. Gateway died or was bought-out (I don't know or care which) and Dell had to make a major company reform to avoid doing the same because of their horrible customer service. And companies like Sony and Microsoft do amazingly well despite making horrible shoddy products simply because they have friendly customer support and reasonable warranties/return and refund policies. And if you're confused by that last bit, think of how many times your 360 red-ringed. If you weren't dumb enough to open it to try and fix it yourself then I'm sure you sent it in to Microsoft at absolutely no cost and they replaced it for you. They did that for me 3 times. And each time included a free month of Xbox Live to make up for the lost time. And Sony was just as good about fixing PS2 consoles when the lasers started to go bad from using them as DVD players. And both companies have acknowledged and replaced faulty power cords. And because they were nice to us customers after selling us such obviously rushed and poorly made hardware, we continued buying it and supporting them. Barnes & Nobles, however, sells books, which can now be bought in used bookstores for pennies or in digital form on your PC, iPod or Digital book reader (as long as it isn't the Nook) and offers no support and it will be a wonderful bit of karma when they go under.

The only company I think should go under more would be GameStop. But, since this is the internet, you probably already have many reasons of your own for wanting them to fail and if you don't know mine then you clearly don't read my blogs because I've mentioned it many times before.

So yeah, that's everything. My little nephew is sleeping on my couch so I have to be quiet and might just crash early tonight. I have to do so with no music tonight so I can hear if he wakes up and had to leave the hall light on so he can see his way around if he wakes up before me. I have a feeling this will be a long night...

What I said I wouldn't do

I know I don't complain about work much on this blog. I mean, it is what made my previous blog popular (and by that I mean I had over 50 views per post instead of 50 views total!) but in reality, I stopped doing it simply because being arrested isn't fun. And after that being arrested thing it was suggested that I remove the offending blog and any other ones that could offend other people in the future. That is why the post count on my previous blog went from 567 to 139 overnight. Yeah, apparently I'm an offensive ass!

And speaking of which, I am going to complain about work now. First off, I don't make nearly enough. Now granted, everyone in the world except Bill Gates and Ron Jeremy (because looking how he does he should be paying them. Ya know, like every other guy that looks like him has to) but I really don't. The average rate of pay locally for someone doing simply data processing is $2/hr more than I currently make. Now, factor in that I do many, many things above and beyond simple data processing (up to and including actual programming and database administration) and I should be making up to triple what I currently am. But that's not my main complaint. Not at the moment. No, my main complaint is someone I work closely with. This particular individual is so unpleasant that I would rather be raped by the bear with syphilis than spend any more time talking to this person. Every word out of their mouth is a complaint (yes, I see the irony here too so shut up!) and even when they are clearly and undeniably wrong, this person will never EVER admit guilt. Again, the pot/kettle thing is not lost on me, but if you want to hear about irony go have Alanis sing you a song, this is my blog so I'm going to make my own point! And in all fairness, even my coworkers agree that this person is more unpleasant than me and those of you that have worked with me (considering I've have 37 jobs to date, that should be pretty much everybody) know that I don't hide how much of an obnoxious person I am while at work so to be viewed as more annoying than me to other people, you really have to suck at life. And yeah, this person does! And the worst part is that this person believes they are the only one that does any real work and feels the rest of us should do more and take the pressure off them. The other day (and believe it or not this next statement is actually free of any hyperbulous statements (I made up a word!)) this person was already at work at 8:00 when I arrived and by 10:00 I had loaded 6 files into our system, answered 3 trouble tickets, helped show someone how to run the morning reports and had answered and filed 17 emails about various exceptions from the previous days' data loads. In those two hours the almighty infallible coworker had taken two smoke breaks, printing out a report showing how they were more hardworking than the rest of us, complained loudly and openly about said report and talked with a different coworker for 28 minutes (I did time it, that isn't a made up or exaggerated number) about the outcome of the Superbowl. Not only should this person shut up about working harder than the rest of us because they also get paid more (far more, in my case) than the rest of us but also because a lot of the time this person is too busy bitching about the work they supposedly do that they don't actually do any!

Well then, now that I have gotten that out of my system; I bought a Neo Geo Pocket Color recently in the original box and it comes with Sonic Pocket Adventure. Nothing else really to say there, I just like to brag!

But, I will mention one more thing that isn't just about me before I go. Due to a coworker (a much less annoying one) I found a TV show that is absolutely hysterical! It is called 2 Broke Girls. The premise is two broke girls who like in NYC and work in a crappy diner. It's full of sarcasm and dirty humor and a horse! Plus, both girls are kinda hot. I know, not everyone would agree with me on the more sarcastic non-blonde character being hot but I've never been interested in the stick-figure blondes that guys seem to dig nowadays. But that's not the point, the point is it's a funny show and all of you (you know, the non-existent people that actually read this) should go watch it just like I'm about to!

Yup, there you go. That's my blog for today. And you should be happy you got it because I attended a webinar today (and will again the next two days) so I'm pretty sick of computer screens at the current moment (because apparently the screen I stared at for the webinar is worse than the screen I stare at in my cubicle all day...) Also, I just used the word webinar multiple times and really kind of want to punch myself in the face.


*EDIT* I just realized this is my 100th post! Yay for me! To celebrate, I will give an autographed picture to one lucky fan! Just mail a printed picture of me along with a self-addressed envelope to my personal address and within 6-8 weeks your picture will arrive to you with my signature on it! And unlike most presidents, actors and sports players, I won't use an autopen or have a secretary sign it for me! It's because I love you! :)

How to get fired so you can play more Borderlands

I don't want to get fired. Therefore, I am going to be vague and cryptic. However, I discovered today that if I did want to be fired, I could do so easily simply by saying the stupid and inappropriate things that pop into my head. For example: A person I work with pointed out that a female coworker in the building has a last name that is also the title of a candy and I immediately thought to myself Yes, but I bet she's much more fun to eat! Things like that are bad to say at work. Also, a different female coworker was talking with another employee talking about whether or not she should take a day off and the other employee said "Totally take it off!" to which I thought about adding I agree, totally take it off! And when she asked why I thought she should take the day off I would respond with What? I never said anything about missing work.

Now I'd like to think I'm witty and naturally comedic but I'm pretty sure I'm actually just a dirty-minded deviant. Either way, it is a little funny, admit it. Maybe sometime before I die I'll find a girlfriend that lasts longer than a few months and she will be the target of all my perversity. Until then though, you all must suffer! Bwa ha ha ha!

Anywho... I started playing Borderlands recently on my 360. It came out a while ago and I remember thinking it looked like a cool game but for some reason I never got around to picking it up. Now, I so very much regret that! This game is amazing! This is one of the first ones I've played in a while that I know for certain I will play to completion at least once. Probably more. It is an RPG-Shooter. Like a cross between Fallout 3, World of Warcraft and Crackdown. Speaking of Crackdown, it uses the same graphics as that. That 3D cell-shading look but it actually works in this game. The plot is not horrific and actually has a lot of humorous lines in it to keep you both interested and entertained. And once you get the DLC the game seems to get even funnier (and harder.) Most of the achievements seem to be singleplayer based which is good because I hate online multiplayer in games.

Let me sidetrack myself for a second: I don't hate online multiplayer, I just hate having to play it for achievements because I hate the people that play most games online. I refuse to play any shooters online anymore because of how D-Baggy people have become in the online gaming community. To me, multiplayer is having friends over, cramming onto the couch and passing around a controller or two while eating brownies.

But back to Borderlands. There's a great variety of weapons and even though each main character gets bonuses to certain weapons over others, if you decide halfway through you'd rather use sub machine guns and rocket launchers than snipers and revolvers, you can certainly just equip different weapons and keep on playing.

Occasionally you'll find vehicles to ride around in and kill people with. It's fun!

Actually, there's only one not fun thing about this game. In the DLC (which I highly recommend you get, despite what I'm about to say) they seemed to put a grind achievement in each DLC pack. The one in the Zombie land place just has you finish the brain quests where you have to headshot about 500 zombies to collect and turn in their brains. It's a pain, but it is doable. But in the robot revolution one you have to collect various rare collectibles that the robots occasionally drop after being killed. I say occasionally but they actually drop rarely and they don't appear in your inventory nor do they count toward a quest so these items will just magically invisibly exist on your person and you will have no clue if you've found enough until you see that achievement pop in the corner of the screen. It takes a nightmarishly long amount of time to do and it is not fun! The game overall, however, is very fun so I suggest you all buy it. Just skip those achievements.

Yup, another day another blog. And this one is now at its conclusion. I'm a pervert and Borderlands is awesome! Also, my snake hasn't eaten in a little over two weeks and it's starting to worry me so I'm going to go stuff a warmed mouse fetus down her throat. Wish me luck!